The Last Post

    • 2014 13 minutes

      http://wordsontoast.weebly.com/the-last-post.html

      Act I

      A ditzy young woman is falling at immense speed while filming a 'video selfie".

      We meet Phil and Sam, a pair of urban twits who spend their lives surfing, gaming and oggling unattainable women. They are harmless enough – but you wouldn’t want them undertaking anything requiring empathy, articulacy, good judgement or a sensible haircut.

      Two grief-stricken brothers – large, criminal types – visit them. They've come to see Phil.
      Their beloved sister Kerry has died in a skydiving accident. She was a silly sausage who imposed an unceasing stream of self-centred guff about herself on the Internet but they adored her and they are way too cut up to speak at her funeral, as are her heartbroken friends and the rest of her family.

      As luck would have it they know an IT wizard who has unlocked the secrets of Kerry’s Facebook. What he learned was that Phil was her best friend. Phil is a little surprised by this (he met her once) but the mood turns ugly when another possibility occurs to the two hulking men – was Phil in fact Kerry’s pervert stalker? Suddenly the threat of violence is in the air and Phil has to think on his feet. He is soon claiming that he was Kerry's 'soul mate' and agreeing to speak at her funeral.

      The two brothers depart leaving Phil unhappy – particularly because Sam, his cowardly flatmate, is partly responsible for this unpleasantness. He has been using Phil’s Facebook account to ogle Kerry’s pictures. Reasonably intelligent people would now arrange to escape to France – but these are idiots remember – and they think they can handle a little bit of eulogizing.

      Act II

      The funeral. The family are all there – those alarming brothers of course, and all Kerry’s friends. The vicar finishes a prayer and invites our man Phil to come forward and offer up his summary of Kerry’s short life.

      As his monstrously inappropriate and feeble eulogy unfolds the congregation gradually wake up to the horror of what is happening: a man who did not know Kerry at all, and who somehow believes that the internet is the real world, is damning poor Kerry for all eternity with the faintest praise ever to leave the lips of a eulogist. As each obscenely underwhelming observation is made we see the reactions of Kelly’s friends and family. With Sam’s unspeakable novelty wreath delivering the final insult, the two brothers prepare to get busy with their ham-sized fists. Our two heroes have sealed their fate. Grinning, they snap a quick selfie to commemorate the moment.

      Companies involved in this production

      • Union Picture Limited

    Connected Mandy Cast Members

    Alternative Names

    • Last Post, the