Great opportunity.....
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Would any of my friends on here like to come and run my shop today. For my actor friends there will be no pay, the price of a bus ticket to get you here free tea and coffee, but bring your own lunch and CCTV footage for your showreel could possibly be made available to you if you provide a self addressed envelope- please leave on the desk. Cannot guarantee that you will get this footage before next year tho' with bank holidays and the Jubillee and the Olympics etc. Push keys back thro' the letterbox!! Please call the shop if you can relieve me!
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Do we get any lines? 'Would you like a bag' would be a good way of starting a scene, no?
Sorry I only accept payment in, tea, coffee AND hobnobs!
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You would need to be excellent at improvisation......we would not be providing a script. Perhaps you could prepare a monologue or two and next time I see you I could hear them if time allows, if you produce a lot of sales on your first day I would be prepared to consider listening to them sooner.
As for hobnobs sorry no can do- budget very low and can only afford to feed myself and my partner. Suggest you contact other employers with your demands.
This is plainly not a serious profeshnul proposition, You could not conceivably be able to asess my suitability for this enormous privilege without demanding that I spend two days cashing favours to film my improvised application and then posting it on You-tube.
I also assume that the bus ticket that you promise will actually take me all the way from my house to your shop. Is that naive.
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If I like your shop and share it on facebook, plus post my audition clips on Youtube, will I be shortlisted?
I would also be willing to meet with you for several rehearsals prior to the day and a meeting just to talk about my role. I live in a small island off the coast of new mexico at the moment, but I don't mind travelling and fixing myself up with a B&B.
If you could possibly arrange for the person improvising alongside me not to upstage me (i.e. CCTV pointing at me rather than the shop floor) this would be great.
Am I being slow. Is this a joke...it has to be
I am willing but only if you can patronise me about how you're being very generous in giving me this position and how actually the industry is a cruel place and I should count myself lucky you're letting me work at all.
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Sadly Jenni I won't be taking your application forward as I have 850 offers who appear to take it more seriously than you. As for the bus ticket it I will be looking for applicants within a three mile radius of Kings Lynn and as I have preciously stated budget is very low and you would need to find your own accommodation. Thanks for your interest btw. Most people don't bother to give feedback after casting call so I hope you appreciate my time in responding to you.
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Tricia, you are under consideration but I have had hundreds of applicants who look just like you-but if you are prepared to wave expenses (local bus fare) then you may move further up the list. Could you work all over the Bank Holiday weekend and Jubilee celebration day? There will be no rehearsals and I won't be there to patronise you so you need to use your initiative. We do however, get all sorts of customers who may well patronise you, so the experience you gain is bound to open lots of doors for you.
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I'll happily waive the expenses. Is there anything I can do to stand out? Dye/shave my hair perhaps or wear an eye patch? I have been practicing my limp for if I eventually get spotted by a talent scount and cast in a hollywood crowd scene already and it's coming on well.
Talking of great opportunities, this appeared on another site:
"A sub-role. Not the biggest part but will require some good emotional acting. A place to start if new to the trade."
Just might apply - it sounds great and I'll just tell them I'm new to the trade, esp as "beds, travell expenses and food are being offered :-D)
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Toni,
Don't be hasty I can offer you a choice of beds if you're prepared to accept my offer as my shop sells furniture!! All new and fresh just pack a sleeping bag. There is a shower at the bus station. Of course we have working toilets for men and women. We adhere to all equal opportunities legislation. You are on my short list!
Sorry I'll have to turn you down as I have a free bus pass and have been promised I can have cake and eat it elsewhere.
Wow, thank you Amanda. Is that like being on a heavy pencil?
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I suppose it is a 'Heavy Pencil' Toni so please keep you diary clear until after the Olympics. I haven't given an age range but women must be considerably younger than the men on my short list, by at least ten years.
I have bin try to get into this shop thing for some wile now. I am definitly best of all crap peeple who is riting to you for it. You wil giv me refrence wont you for wurk i am gunna do for you. If not my mate Terense wil hav wurds with you. And Terense dont like it wen peeple say No.
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I am currently suffering from a broken bone in my left hand, I put the story about that I fell off a horse, when in reality I got my hand caught in the till from a previous engagement.
Would you think it odd if all the CCTV footage you recovered from the ransacked shop was of the ceiling?
Best.
Honest John.
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Sadly David and Honest John I have been inundated with applications and won't be taking yours forward. I will, with your permission,keep you on file for future projects. I believe our local primary school is looking for teaching assistants if you need extra cash.
Hello. not sure I understand this thread but thought would apply for the position anyway. I have a large python, (which I was paid £32 for bringing along to a recent acting job).. Can I bring it along and show the odd customer?
Yours optomistically
J
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Wow I think you could be the man for the job I've already called the two local newspapers and BBC East. Who needs Mary Portas when we have you and the snake? Btw cannot pay porterage on the snake.
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