How many psychiatrists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one: but the lightbulb has really got to want to change.
An involved joke but a personal fave:
Once upon a time there was a mummy, daddy and baby balloon
(you have to bear with this joke as it appears it's going to be rude. the longer you spin it out the better).
One night baby balloon couldn't sleep, so went to sleep in his parents' bed. But there was no room.
So he went to his daddy and very quietly let some of his air out.
PPPHHHHHHHHHWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
(This noise is entirely necessary).
But still, he wouldn't fit.
So he went to his mummy:
PPPPPPPPPPPPPHWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
But he still couldn't fit in.
So he let a little bit of his air out.
PPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHHHHHHHWWWWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
And finally he fitted! So he settled in and fell asleep.
In the morning he woke up all alone. He went downstairs and there was a frosty atmosphere in the kitchen. Neither his mummy nor his daddy would meet his eye.
Eventually his daddy said:
"Son, last night you let me down, you let your mother down. But worst of all, you let yourself down!"
Well, this is a bit of a one did make me giggle at the time...
Witnessed an embaressing scene in the park yesterday. A pretty young girl was sitting on a bench reading a book, when a tramp approached her.
"Hi gorgeous," he leered. "How about the two of us getting it on?"
"How dare you!" Shrieked the girl. I'm not one of your cheap pick-ups you know!" "No," said the tramp. "What are you doing in my bed then?"
Teething Problems,
The kids file back into class on Monday morning. Their weekend assignment was to sell something then give a talk on salesmanship.
Little Mary leads off, "I sold homemade biscuits and i made £30," she says proudly.
"Very good", says the teacher.
Little Sally is next, "I sold old magazines", she says, "I made £45."
"Very good Sally," says the teacher.
Eventually, it's little Johnny's turn. He walks to the front of the classroom and dumps a box full of cash on the teacher's desk.
"£2,467," he says smugly.
"How much?!" cries the teacher,"what in the world were you selling?"
"Toothbrushes," says little Johnny.
"Toothbrushes?" echoes the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough toothbrushes to make that much money?"
"I found the busiest corner in town," says little johnny, "I set up a dip & chip stand and gave everbody who walked by a free sample.
They all said the same thing.
"Hey this tastes like sh*t!"
Then i'd say, "It is sh*t. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"
Please note:Messages written in the forum do not represent the views of The Mandy Network, nor have they been vetted by The Mandy Network staff.
If you read something which you believe to be offensive or defamatory, please contact us and we will take the appropriate action.
