ANY GOOD JOKES?!!?!
HELLO
DOES ANYONE KNOW ANY GOOD JOKES THAT I COULD TELL AT AN AUDITION? IT CAN BE ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING?! CLEAN OR DIRTY?!
ALSO ANY TIPS ON COMIC TIMING WOULD BE FAB..........
I'VE NEVER BEEN TO AN AUDITION LIKE THAT BEFORE? PLEASE HELP!
THANX GUYS X
Editorial Comment Not too dirty please people!
Hannah
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What's yellow and highly dangerous?
Shark-infested custard!!
How do you get an elephant out of a tree?
Tell him to sit on a leaf and wait until Autumn!!
Thank you Rebecca!
It shouldn't be confused with...
What goes 'aaaaaa'?
A sheep with no lips.
Lewis :o)
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A ventriloquist doing his show seems to be doing lots of anti-blonde jokes.
Halfway through the show, a stunning elegant blonde lady gets up and says: "Excuse me, I disagree with your jokes. They are offensive and give women like me a bad name! I run my own business, have a degree and don't like being pigeon holed into an antiquated, unfounded arbitrary stereotype based uniquely on the colour of my hair. Would you please now change the tone of your jokes as I don't think you realise how hard people like you make the life of people in my situation."
To which the ventriloquist replies: "I'm sorry madam, it's only a joke, but I will try to change the subject now. No offence."
And she replies: "Shut up. I'm talking to that little tw*t on your lap."
My fave!
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John....that sausage joke is fantastic. I'm stuck at work on a saturday and that made me laugh. Thanks.
Mark, I know another variation of your noddy joke;
Why does Rupert the Bear wear checked trousers?
Cos he's a ****
I'm so bored.x
I dont get it zan?!?! A what ****** ? PM ME!
Am I being really thick? Where were you working?
Nat xx
There is a farmer near where i live in Essex growing a crop of Dildo's.He has had loads of trouble with squatters!
This is a true story When my daughter was five years old i used to own a cafe for a bit of extra income. We had a regular who used to come in everyday for his lunch. My mother who has flaming red hair, was over for the week to help uot.. This man was extremely well off and owned his own aeroplane, he took a shine to my mum and she him and they started talking. My daughter knew him well and he always had a chat with her whilst eating his lunch. Anyway This old guy came in as usual and mum was sitting on a table eating a sandwich, my daughter was sitting with her. The old guy asked if he could join them, they sat and ate their lunch and the old guy commented on my mothers lovely hair, asking her if it was dyed or natural, being very proud of her flaming locks my mum replied "oh no it's totally natural". My daughter then pipped up "You can see her hair is real cos' she's got a ginger minnie ..go on nanny show him your mini to prove it"..needless to say mum avoided lunch hours after that..
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A henpecked husband goes with his wife to stay at a hotel. That night in the bar several of the guests are playing a game where everybody talks for 10 mins on their fav subject. The husband says he would like to have a go, wife says don't be stupid you know nothing. Anyway when the wifw says she is going up to her room, he says he will stay awhile and watch. He then stands up and gives a stunning talk on the art of lovemaking. When he goes to bed he tells his wife that he talked about sailing. The next morning when she goes down to breakfast, all the women crowd round her saying how good her hubby was, one says he certainly knows his subject. The wife says thats funny he's only done it twice, the first time he was sick the second his hat blew off!!!
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