Dating in the industry

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    I am not sure if this is the kind of thing to discuss on casting call pro but anyway....Has anyone dated people from this industry.

    Obviously I am in the business (I'm an Actress)but cannot seem to meet a guy with the same interests as me. Is it safe to an Actor? Will it end up being a competition to who gets the most work...

    I am just not excited by men who have jobs outside the business but I do want to meet someone I can connect with...

    Advice please?

    • 10th Nov 2008
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    Seventeen years, one mortgage, one cat and two children with a Company Manager...

    • 3rd Nov 2008
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    Excuse me for not being clear - my partner is a Company STAGE Manager for Commercial Theatre - so he has a VERY great connection with the industry. BUT, I suppose crucially, he's not an actor. Couldn't be doing with that kind of self-absorption and vanity; because, yes, it applies to you guys, too. My partner is FAR more successful than me and works almost constantly (although the last year's been difficult). So, yes, he is a financial cushion, but one of us has to look after the kids - if I worked enough to let him do that, then I would. Plainly I don't which is why I'm on this site! But he has the difficult hours, the temperaments to deal with, the constant travelling, never knowing where the next job is coming from, the vagaries of the management... And in defence of actresses - we are generally far more resourceful, tenacious and able to multi-task - ergo, probably this drives us to more self-absorption and introspection BECAUSE there are far more of us out there and far fewer jobs, so we have to be far more competitive. And work harder to get the job in the first place - which has no bearing on how hard the different sexes work once we get the job! Hope I'm clear now, but I'm expecting a BARRAGE of replies admonishing me!!!

    • 4th Nov 2008
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    But surely it is better to date someone in the industry? I was thinking about this earlier and although it could be quite messy it cannot be any worse than dating...Say an Accountant..Which I did...And in regards to Actresses being emotional - I think that is a generalisation...Emotions to me is about being honest and if you cannot be honest then waht is the point? Are men scared of emotion? Whatever their job title is..? Better to let it all out then block it in...

    • 4th Nov 2008
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  • Alice Henley

    Actor

    I dated an actor and it was a complete disaster, far too many insecurities and dated someone outside the biz altogether and he didn't understand not only my commitments but my "love" scenes either. Now dating a director and its perfect

    • 4th Nov 2008
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    Thanks for your comments everyone..

    Any single Directors out there?

    LOl

    • 4th Nov 2008
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    Dearest Splatcat - I didn't take anything personally and hope you don't either. Thanks for your kind comments. Basically, I don't think it matters whether a man is an actor, Company Stage Manager, accountant, doctor, writer, director - the hurdle we women have to get over is: they're still MEN (nothing personal, Splatcat! - that special lady is out there for you somewhere!) I don't think it is 'best' to date someone from the industry or not; I know plenty of industry marriages/partnerships that are fabulous, and plenty of industry/on-industry partnerships that are fabulous. You have to compromise in ANY relationship...

    • 4th Nov 2008
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    I think, dating within the industry isn't any diffrent from dating witin any combined areas of intrest,work or groups.

    And while it may seem appealing to some to share intrest, my being long in the tooth of the old relationship lark I couldnt think of anything less attractive to me for a long term relationship...which is what I would want (if I was looking...which Im not (in case the wifes reading :p))

    if you share too many aspects of home and personal life, you loose fresh conversation, which after a few years together is difficult to find at the best of times.

    And, surely a decent partner, should support and show interest in anything you apply yourself to anyway, explaining why thats important to you can be part of your growth together.

    • 4th Nov 2008
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    I have never dated in the industry, however friends of mine have and the only real issue I have ever seen is that the industry is very 'close knit' and as such alot of people had opinions and knew their business. Obviously I am just commenting on this account but its something to consider. xx

    • 4th Nov 2008
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  • User Deleted

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    I have never wanted to date an actor. Specifically for the reasons that i think Splat Cat mentioned. I do want security. I'm in and out of work. I just could not live with anybody in the same situation. Same as I would NEVER have dated anybody on the dole. I'm afraid, to be very honest, with me it does come down to security.

    I'm now married and very much in love with a man who works in finance.

    He's wonderfully supportive of my career. He helps me learn lines, we talk about ways to progress my career, he grounds me and picks me up when I'm feeling depressed. Which often happens when a job has finished, or I've had a bad audition.

    It is a cliche that the actress married the banker. But we've been together for nine years, married for five and have two absolutely beautiful children who get their confidence from me and brains from their dad. lol

    I will say, that whenever I am working on a shoot, I love looking at the crew mmmmmmmm lol

    • 4th Nov 2008
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  • Wendy Denham

    Actor

    I have dated musicians,actors, stage managers and they have all been disasters. I recently got married to a photographic technician and we had been going out with each other for approximately 4 weeks when he asked what I did for a living and when I told him I was an actor, he was fine about it and asked what I had been in as he didn't watch much TV or go to the theatre. He even had a laugh when I was approached by a member of the public who had seen me in a play and asked for my autograph. (I also get all my photos done by him now and it does save a bit of money when it comes to the printing)

    • 5th Nov 2008
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  • Simon Griffiths

    Actor

    Love is where it lies.

    I have dated actresses and non actresses. It just depends. I've never given it a second thought as to what they do.

    I have friends in the business who are successful and they have dated actors ranging from just starting their career to currently very very successful in their career and each relationship has had their merits. It's more down to the personalities of the people involved rather than what they do or who they are.

    • 6th Nov 2008
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  • Blake J Askew

    Actor

    Surely it depends?

    Some performers dont wokr well together in a relationship just like those out the industry dont. Not all actors/ actresses are self absorbed and many can work things out properly,

    I think the key issue is that its personal emotional maturity and if two performers have that, it can work, just like anybody in any other profession.

    • 6th Nov 2008
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  • Sharon Cannings

    Actor

    I've been with my actor partner for 16 years and he's a soul mate which is hard to find, but maybe easier within the profession.

    It does mean that we scour the "reduced" section of the supermarket for our weekly shop like a couple of students, but there's probably several members of the banking fraternity forced to do that too in the current climate!

    • 6th Nov 2008
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  • Blake J Askew

    Actor

    YOu know,

    we actors can sometimes feel upset that there isnt that much work but its no different from doctors who takes years to get a job nowadays and emigrate to get work. Most professions are hard up for work, and people perceive that ours is unique but it isnt- surely from that tack, any relationship could work?

    • 7th Nov 2008
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    I have to agree with Splat.

    My relationship with my Accountant boyfriend ended recently and despite feeling very hurt I know him calling it a day was probably the best thing for the long term. He didn't understand that Money wasn't an issue for me while I was getting to where I want to be...Ie A successful Actress who eventaully doesn't have to worry about money...Because I am getting paid for what I love...

    For my boyfriend (ex) he was doing his dream job already and had a great salary so understanding these aspirations was frustrating for him. It was like a Vet dating a Butcher, I guess our jobs (at this stage) contradicted each other. I don't think it is important I fall inlove with a guy in this industry - just as long as his love and support is there. It broke my heart when Brian told me he didn't love me enough to want to be

    with me for ever and I am understanding it from his point of view...

    Money was a big factor for him and it became an issue for me just because that was his job...Don't get me wrong I worry about whether I can pay the rent each month but at the ned of the day - I know I will not have to worry forever because I am that much of a determined Actress. I just hope I can find love who will adore and cherish me when I am working and when I am not...Because I know when I love someone - that's exactly what I am about...

    Sara Louise

    x

    • 7th Nov 2008
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    Yes I do think that a relationship with somebody in any proffession can work.

    But I suppose, I'm old fashioned in my views. It's nature that makes women want to be with somebody who can provide for them. When you have children, it is very difficult to work. Most people can't afford the childcare for mothers to go back to work.

    After my first child, I went back to work and put my son in a nursery. The fee was £800 per month. This figure is not unusual. Most of my wages as a shop manager were going on childcare, travel to work and uniform, which I had to buy regularly from the shop as it was a clothes shop. My wages each month were eaten up, leaving me with next to nothing. I then chose to give up work and be at home with my son. It was more cost effective.

    Some people get help with nursery fees, but if your earnings are over the threshold, you don't. We didn't have any help, so in effect, we were worse off financially for me working. I also think that it is best practice to be at home with your children when they're very young.

    Had my husband been on a lower income (we're not rolling in it by the way) I would have had to be at work, and claim benefits.

    I suppose I'm really lucky that my soul mate does earn a good living.

    But before I met him, I had flings with people in whatever proffession, but when I was thinking about my biological clock, I wouldn't pursue anybodywho I didn't think could provide for his family.

    • 7th Nov 2008
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    Hi Louise, so sorry to hear of your recent heart break, I hope you find some one very special and supportive very soon. I just wanted to offer a little hope. My boyfriend and I (we have been together for a year, not long I know but it is very serious) is a financial consultant - similar to your ex. He earns ALOT more than I do and I do lean on him from time to time although he is very good at helping me make what little I have go a long way. He loves theatre and film, sometimes more than me, and while it is clearly only a hobby/entertainment for him he is extremely supportive of my career and hates to see out of work or not doing what I love. While he found it hard to grasp at first, the never knowing when your next job will arrive, the odd hours and schedules and the VERY last minute calls ( he finds not being able to book a holiday the hardest pill to swallow lol) I have never had such support and enthusiasm from a partner. So dont give up hope they are out there!! Just because they have an 'ordinary' job and not in the industry doesn't always mean they wont be totally supportive. I hope you have more luck in the future - happy hunting! xxx

    • 7th Nov 2008
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    Thank you Julia. I am quite stromg minded...So hopefully Mr Right is just round the corner. I am pleased that your relationship is evidence of a good one. That gives me hope...Lol.

    xx

    • 7th Nov 2008
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  • User Deleted

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    Hi Louise,

    either piece of advice - i.e. for or against dating someone within the business - will likely be pretty unfair regarding the next person you feel like dating. It's like asking 'Should I date someone with green tainers?'. How can that answer possibly be based on other's people's experiences? The more general or simple their rule, the more likely for you to rule out an entire haystack. Compatibility with a person, someone else's needle-ability will hardly be met or discovered applying a rule of thumb. Finally, if so, make sure it's YOUR thumb. I very much understand your question, though. Hope this is conclusive - not just to me... I wish you an either alert or lucky thumb! .m

    • 7th Nov 2008
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