The snow is thick outside ... my car hasn't moved for 8 days, perhaps a folly, living at the bottom of a fairly steep hill. All the lanes are blocked so ... log fire blazing merrily, I'm sat here, not quite contemplating my navel, but my socks !!. Something quite mysterious is afoot, if you'll pardon the expression. So, in the words of The Man In Black, Mr Valentine Dyall, pull your chair up closer to the fire and turn the lights .. down .. low ...
I have noticed that when I put on a pair of socks, even new from the packet socks .. within a few minutes I find that the heel is now atop my instep !!.
Now.. does that mean cosmic forces are at work ... perhaps telling me to re-trace my footsteps, or am I walking back to Christmas unintentionally ??.
Is it possible that the next Christmas I see, will be a re-run of this God-awful Christmas ??.
Now I am a great believer in Newton's third law of motion ... For ever action, there's an equal and opposite re-action. As an Actor it is the foundation stone of all acting ... so it comes naturally to me to think that the action of my socks is due to a re-action elsewhere ... or vice versa. But what that action was, or is, is beyond me. Mysterious ? quite !!!!.
Allan, is it quite possible that, after not leaving the house for 8 days, you have gone a little delirious? I am in that state anyway, currently at work, and will therefore pose this question:
Is your sock that has moved... or has your foot shrunk...?!??!
Amber ... ha .. the ubiquitous sock eating washing machine. Every household has one ... and prides itself that it has the best one. But, it's not just washing machines that love the taste of human clothing ... I have an electric drill that is forever tearing its way through my sleeves ... I think the odour of fresh meat is overpowering.
Iain .... no, not delirious, my lovely, and yes ... my sock has moved. as for shrinking feet ... ummmm ... shrinking violet maybe .. yeah, that'll be the bloody day, I can hear people say. One sock ? .. okay ... but BOTH SOCKS ?? now come on ... that's cosmic !!!!!
I'm fairly sure that you have caught a particularly virulent form of what we pretend doctors call 'Twistyfoot'. It can present as a resockment, a heel foregather or even a tartan confusion where Argyll socks are involved - although, thank the Lord, that's still pretty rare. It's often combined with another condition called chromatoworsted interplasty where the patient can present with different coloured socks on each foot.
It's not seen as a curable condition, I'm afraid, but some patients do benefit from regular infusions of malted barley in various forms, although there is a school that claims that this may even cause the condition in the first place. You might also try unnecessary activity; it seems to help some people.
The answer is, of course, not to wear socks !!! but if this cosmic occurrence transfers itself to my pants, with the zip at the back ... now that could be awkward at full bladder time .. I think I'll start paging the various Circuses !
Firstly, Happy New Year to you, and indeed to all our friends here on CCP.
I am so troubled to hear about your 'sock' situation!!! I have managed to avoid such turmoil by allowing others to provide me with an annual quantity of socks, at this time of year…They are normally to do with 'Sport', they are normally 'White' and made of a towelling material that was at the height of fashion some 20 years ago when worn with all manner of haute couture (plus the socks now match my white goatee beard. How's that for colour co-ordination??)
Having only these type of socks also allows me to avoid that terrible medical condition that Mike brought to our attention - chromatoworsted interplasty.
But, I must say that my good lady wife's 'Washing Machine' (She thinks I don't know she has one…But I've seen it!!!…she has it hidden in a false cupboard in the kitchen units…I found it while hunting for chocolate many years back…hehe) on a regular basis, both eats and discolours my socks (and may I say other items of white under-garments with the mandatory reinforced double gusset) a rather varied and may I say, rather tasteful variety of all shades of pink, which match beautifully my eyes brought on by copious regular infusions of malted barley…OMG, I do have chromatoworsted interplasty!!!!
Sorry, Allan cant stop…off to see a pretend Doctor…Oh what a way to start the decade…Now where did the wife put my socks???
Thanks Steve ... all good wishes reciprocated ... all bad ones can be stuffed back, where de sun don't shine. Stage Direction ... hands open and by the head, shaking manically as in the Black and White Minstrels, meantime laugh like a loon as the stuffing continues. Now ... you know how the turkey feels !!!!.
You are correct, Allan...Valentine should be mentioned.
A very fine actor with a truly incredible 'one off' voice, my Grandfather loved listening to his radio shows. I remember sitting with my Grandfather and watching a program Valentine was in (I think it was Doctor Who) and my Grandfather describing his voice as "watching butter melting on warm toast"
Did you ever get to work with him yourself, Allan?
Here's one for you Steve, and all with half decent memories.
" We three in Happidrome,
working for the B.B.C.,
Ramsbottom, Enoch and Me"
Who is ME ?????.
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