Yawn....

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    Morning Campers…I've just played innumerable games of Solitaire at work today and failed miserably to get a SINGLE one out. Considering moving onto Spider Solitaire however before I descend even further into the depths of despair and reacquaint myself with the delights of Alchemy and Insanquarium (for those who don't know these addictive games type them into Google and beware…) does anybody have any amusing work tales to recount to remind me it could be worse. My personal favourite is the time I was working on a reception with flowers which were up for grabs at the end of the week. Unfortunately one woman had decided that it was her birthright to have them each week so when somebody else wanted to take them for her mother a full scale fight ensued. I was sitting in the middle trying to pretend I wasn't there not quite daring to point out that as there were TWO bunches perhaps they could ….well..um….maybe..take one each?.....maybe….no….ok….

    • 26th Oct 2006
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    On my first day in a new office job I bought myself some soup for lunch, and took it back to my desk. When I thought it would be cool enough to have, I picked it up by the lid, neglecting to hold any other part of it. It dropped, hit my keyboard, and spilled all over my desk, floor and trousers.

    Nice.

    • 24th Oct 2006
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    Dear Reader,

    One of the numerous jobs in my lifetime was one that I took up after travelling around Australia. It started off as a temp job and yes, Dear Reader......I went "Permy"!!! I have no idea why, other than the money. Anyhow this was the occasional Friday "treat": -

    The company in question was a rubber goods manufacturer (it isn't boding well, is it?!). Latex surgical gloves, marigolds, and of course... The DUREX CONDOM!!

    The MD used to take the group for lunch at a local pub and after eating our scampi in a basket, he would throw a handful of.....

    coloured and flavoured condoms onto the table. Purely for research purposes, he asked us to open the packets and see if the product both smelt and...yes....if that wasn't enough... tasted like the vsrious flavours they were supposed to!! It was all deadly serious as well, which led to coughing fits to cover up my need to laugh. I'm actually surprised we weren't asked politely to leave. I was an official condom taster!!! I left not long after I started.

    I love my life :0(

    • 24th Oct 2006
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  • Alan Wales

    Actor

    Once worked as a Santa in a Birmingham branch of ASDA and on my first day, as I was just coming off my shift with a load of kids clinging on to me, one of the staff shouted across:

    "Santa! We're just sorting out yer tax!"

    Ahhh the magic of Christmas!

    • 24th Oct 2006
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    Condom tasting in the Pub? How fabulously bizarre. What on earth did the other customers do? I don't think i would have been able to keep my eyes off such a spectacle. Reminds me of the time when I was working in the Paddington area and some very posh flats were being put up opposite my office. Eventually people started to move in so we all amused ourselves people watching, commenting on the decor they were going for etc... One day all us ladies got a bit of a thrill as a dishy looking man starting wandering around clad in nothing more than his underpants. Eventually however he got into bed. (Conveniently placed near the window) We were commenting on how much he was moving around suddenly the underpants flew out from underneath the duvet and the movements became increasingly erm…vigorous if you catch my drift….for 45 minutes.

    • 24th Oct 2006
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    Well, not half as bad as your stories and fairly boring, it's just that it happened today. :-(

    I ordered a chest of drawers off ebay and it was delivered to my work today. Our nice security guy said to drive my car round to the front of the office and he'll put it in my car for me as it's quite heavy. Well, in the excitment of getting my new chest of drawers (I live a very sad life), as I reversed my car out of the space, I just clipped another car's back bumper with my front bumper, and left a huge amount of red paint on her silver car, and vice versa!

    Being the honest soul I am, I have owned up, and her husband has dished out the punishment - to find five people I can recommend to him who are moving house - he's a mortgage adviser. So anyone need any mortgage advice???

    • 24th Oct 2006
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    the company i work for got some free cakes from

    a customer they had done some work for

    the worst cakes in the world

    yyyyyykkkkkkkkkkk

    you could not eat them

    good for paper weights

    so you can see what they thought of us

    • 24th Oct 2006
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    you sure that was'nt some form of sexly hassement shannon?

    • 24th Oct 2006
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  • Toni Brooks

    Actor

    45 minutes?!!! Blimey - is that a record? :-))

    • 24th Oct 2006
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    LOL Mark!! Yes, probably, but I was young and naieve back then!!

    Elizabeth - the other lunchtime drinkers mainly consisted of the WI and local old folks home!! A real treat for them as well as for us, I'd imagine! I'm sure we made some old fart very happy on an otherwise uneventful outing to the pub for lunch. It must have stopped the jam recipe swapping dead in it's tracks.

    I've also had the pleasure of being forced to take minutes in meetings I don't have an Aunt Sally's idea what they are talking about. One consisted of a group of bankers (stop it!). I had a moment's reprieve when someone got up and started writing on a flipchart and I thought "there is a God!". No sooner had I thought that, than she put the pen lid back on and sat back down again!!

    One lady made an "in joke" about her figures and asked me not to write it down. The hysterical laugh that exploded from me reverberated around the room a few times before I said "don't worry, I won't" and thinking to myself.... "not to worry love, I won't write it down because I have no f***ing idea what you're talking about"!! On a scale of 1 to 10 for fun factor?... a definate 0!!! I didn't even get a cup of coffee or a custard cream for my troubles!

    • 24th Oct 2006
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  • Sally Beaumont

    Actor

    I used to do a temp job where for six months they didn't know where to put me.

    Each day I'd arrive and they'd see who was sick or away and stuff me on their desk. I was regularly ousted, once 5 times in a day.

    I wouldn't have minded, but they did a full office refit, and didn't think to add another desk, just in case they needed it...

    They also liked to play a game called "ask you to go permanent on tuesday, give you a weeks notice on thursday". Craig david would have a field day. They did that three times.

    To cap it all, one day a member of staff keeled over in a corridor and I was hunted out of my office and accused of "making her faint". Now, my voodoo skills aside, even I'm not that offensive.

    I was interviewed by a manager to make sure I had done nothing wrong (it was like Cracker), but the entire staff appeared to have decided I was some kind of witch (no doubt fuelled by knowledge of my high salary due to the extortionate commission temp agencies take) that causes nervous collapses. Of course it had nothing to do with the routine bullying the poor woman had to take! It was all my fault! mwa hah hah hah...

    • 24th Oct 2006
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  • Kate Eden

    Actor

    Sally that is a classic!

    Once, just out of college, when naiver and totally clueless in the ways of office computer systems, my first few days in a new temp job were spent using someone elses email address.. Being on reception with absolutely no tasks, I filled my days writing emails to a friend about how unhappy I was to be there, how miserable everybody seemed 'their daily greeting to each other is a grunt!' and, sadly.. poems, long ones, about my surroundings and how even the synthetic flowers on my desk were depressing me.. So.. the girl who's email account I was using was also logging in and reading them..but not only that PRINTING them off and giving them to the BOSS who then called me into the BOARD ROOM to say, emails in hand, that if I was really that unhappy then maybe I should think about whether I wanted to be there!!! Was MORTIFIED! About the bad poetry. I managed to profusly apologise enough..to stay until I needed time off for play..and we KNOW how much they love that!

    God loves a temp.

    :0)

    xx

    • 24th Oct 2006
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    OK. I have a fairly unusual name. But when you look at it, calmly, really it's not that complex. T-E-G-W-E-N. Teg, like egg with a t on it, and wen like when. Exactly as it's written, more or less. But still it foxes some people. In my current temp role at a high end IT Solutions Providers (aside: why, Oh WHY, is everything a 'solution' these days?) I'm still working on someone else's user profile (they're an IT company, and they take the best part of a week to set up a user profile. Go figure) and so people still send emails 'dear Lucy'. Despite having met me. And received emails from me. And having spoken to me on more than a handful of occasions. And Lucy having left. That's just rude.

    What's more, the woman I'm working to INSISTS that I must be called TEEJWUN. Seriously. Despite the fact that I correct her CONSTANTLY and that I've been here for three days. Which in and of itself wouldn't be so bad, if it weren't for the constant patronising (I'm a senior PA. I temp to Directors of multinationals and government organisiations, private business CEOs and NHS Chief Execs. I know what I'm doing. I really don't need to be shown how to look up a contact or tell someone what their flight options are (seriously, she printed me out an email 'as an example' of how to give someone the info they've requested on flight times for business trips))

    Raaaaaaaaa!

    • 25th Oct 2006
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    Another absolute dream job (and I don't want anyone getting jealous here)was temping at a company that made all the salads/soups/pots of dips etc. for Sainsbury's (I'll probably get done for this!!).

    I worked in the offices and had to input complaints from customers about things they had found in, say, a pot of taramasolata!! We are talking spreadsheets of stuff here! Not the odd one or two hairs. Stuff that you sit and ask yourself.."How the hell did that get in there?". I was then "pimped" out to another lady, who I can only describe as Cruella de Ville on prozac, who asked.... no, told me to get about 5 A4 pads and draw vertical lines down each page. I left before lunch (which was Sainsbury's own food)!!

    • 25th Oct 2006
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  • Kathryn Debbage

    Actor

    Well, for all you people that are bored at your office jobs but have the pleasure of the internet I thought I would share with you what I have to put up with at work. I work on the bar of a very nice restaurant but I also have to work with some (lovely, but) very dim waitresses (no offence to all waitresses but these particular lot are quite bad but give me laugh)

    Customer: I'll have black coffee please.

    Waitress: Do we do black coffee? How do you make it?

    Me: You don't add the milk.

    Customer: Medium white wine please

    Waitress: we don't do medium. It comes in a standard size.

    A customer asked for a hot water and the waitress got him what he wanted, then put ice it!

    One off the waitresses came to get some whiskey for a irish coffee, placed the glass under the optic and just stood there looking at it, wondering why nothing was happening. I waited a few minutes before I told her she had to press up on it to get anything out. 'oh, I wondered why all the drink didn't fall out when the bottles are upside down all the time!'

    Its all true and there are lots more. Could list them all right now... it would take far too long!

    • 25th Oct 2006
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  • Rebecca Probyn

    Actor

    classic,,

    I remeber working as a waitress and having customers ordering a cafetiere of coffe under the various names my two favourites being

    cafetria

    caftiery

    i also used to work in a pub and i was the one to train up the new guys, I had been asked the following questions:

    Wheres the shandy pump?

    whats goes in a gin and tonic?

    seriously! although it does have to be said that my friend Steve and I did actually label up a few empty pumps a shandy pumps just to confuse one of them >:)

    but she was a real pain in the arse.. it took about five minutes before she realised i t was just water coming out of the line.

    • 25th Oct 2006
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    I've worked in many bars and clubs and some of the things my colleagues have come out with are unbelievable (i've had that gin and tonic one too!).

    The last place I worked at was a whisky bar and (customer and waitress both to blame here), while both standing in front of me, the customer asked the waitress if we sold whisky, to which the waitress replied 'I don't know, let me find out'. We sold 245 different whiskies, all which were displayed in a MASSIVE display around the bar area!

    • 25th Oct 2006
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  • Kathryn Debbage

    Actor

    Nice one rebecca, I love the shandy pump. Have to tell the guys at work that one. LOL! I think Im gonna start keeping a record of some of them. Keep me amused.

    Oh, just remembered one...

    My boss told everyone that the Osterage meet was not on the menu any more. One of the waitresses asked why. My boss (very jokingly) said it was pulled over and arrested at customs for drug smuggling. We all laughed Ha Ha.

    When a customer asked for it the waitress comntinued to tell them that we didn't have any on the menu because of a little drug problem it had! LOL (that one still tickles me. Just wish I was at work that day to witness the customers face!)

    • 25th Oct 2006
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    Years ago when I was working in Crete as a waitress and one customer asked me for a Tuna salad, but without the tuna. So, I said, you just want a plain salad then? But she insisted that she wanted a tuna salad without the tuna. So, I went away, and made a tuna salad without the tuna (a plain salad) and she seemed happy with it!!!

    Bizzare!

    • 25th Oct 2006
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    Years ago I worked in a restaurant where I was given the onerous task of locking up at the end of the night. This job included switching off the coffee machines, tills etc...In my 2am rush to get home I didn't realise that I had also switched off the ice-cream machine. I came in the next day to the sight of the early starters scooping jugfuls of melted, rancid ice-cream out of the machine. Lovely.

    • 25th Oct 2006
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