The Silent Cormorant
2009, 30 minutes
A dark comedy with Julian Barrett from the Mighty Boosh
Synopsis The rehearsals begin. Music plays. Mozart’s Horn Concerto Number 4. Rehearsals are going well. Derrick is finding the process inspiring. It has been a wonderful tonic for him to try out these radical performance techniques, and do something different. Jill, playing the selfish princess, is enjoying the freedom of working on this wonderful production. Danny seems to be making some romantic headway with her. He confides this information to Derrick, who smiles. We see Derrick and Jill kissing. It is the day before the opening. Danny is very happy with the piece, the set is finished and the staging is radical and interesting. The cast are enthused. Muni is coming in to see how things are going and to be given the chance to peep into the rehearsal process. Danny is keen to make sure she feels completely comfortable. Muni arrives in her father's car. Her father tells her to make it “A Plus. A Plus Plus!” Muni shrugs and gets out, carrying a French horn. She is met by Danny and Rosie Widdicombe, who introduces her to Shy Betterly, Artistic Director of the New Victory. Danny tries to hobnob with Shy. Muni watches the dress rehearsal. It finishes and everyone is very pleased. Muni smiles and says she likes it, though she raises some concerns about the changes they've made. Danny smiles and says he is sure they can accommodate Muni’s ideas. He sends Richard, the theatre technician, out to source some of the new items for the Wizard’s costume, a pair of dragon shoes which Muni says is central to his characterisation. The rehearsals continue, but it soon becomes clear that Muni has quite a lot of thoughts about the staging and actually these small revisions are not going to be enough. She seems not to appreciate Danny's avant garde physical theatre techniques. Danny gets increasingly frustrated with confident imperturbable Muni. It becomes a battle of wills. Tensions rise and Derrick, who has worked extensively with the children’s theatre project says that they really should listen to some of Muni’s ideas. During the next run through they adjust the performance to match Muni’s ideas and it actually seems to work quite well. “It just feels very natural” says Derrick. Perhaps if they combine some of Muni’s ideas with Danny’s. Danny says this is ridiculous. Perhaps they should get Muni to direct the whole thing. Derrick gives Danny a stern look. They break for lunch. Danny reflects deeply and returns after lunch to announce that all he has ever cared about is achieving Muni’s vision and he certainly doesn’t want to be the one to disillusion Muni by teaching her the compromises and politics of the adult world. He announces that his job is just to facilitate Muni in the production of the piece. It is about the child’s vision after all. Derrick is very impressed. He reminds Danny that he is very keen to read “The Silent Cormorant”. Jill gives Danny a kiss on the cheek. Muni however merely accepts the new situation as her due. They get to work. Muni unceremoniously throws out all that remains of Danny’s ideas about performance and physical theatre and the next run through is even better. In fact it works remarkably well. We see Shy appear at the back of the theatre and watch for a while unseen, gliding off before the end. By then everyone is enthused, except possibly Danny, who sits in the audience gnawing his knuckle. Muni says it is much better than it was before. Danny however is not quite happy. He says he thinks perhaps it is not quite working and the show has become a little bit, he searches for the right word, “Stock”. Muni responds by saying Danny just does not understand good theatre and perhaps he should try being more natural in his work. Danny smiles and says what’s natural about a wizard and a talking tree. Muni tells Danny he is pretentious, and that if he wants this much control then he should write his own plays. Danny feels the world is ganging up against him. He snaps. He tells Muni he does write his own plays. They’re damn good plays and Derrick is going to perform in one of them, on the main stage of this very theatre. Furthermore, he explains to Muni, that he might be pretentious but at least he is not an evil little bitch and an elitist racist. Danny proceeds to do a racist impersonation of Muni. Everyone is horrified. Derrick tells him to get a hold of himself. Danny doesn’t care anymore. He blows a big wet raspberry right in Derrick’s face and walks out. Derrick is stunned. Danny returns to ask Jill if she is coming with him. Jill stares in disbelief. Danny turns on his heel and storms out. Derrick turns to Muni and says “Well I think we all know who our new director is going to be.” On the way out the theatre Danny is intercepted by Richard with his laptop. Richard tells Danny that he has been looking for reference material for the wizard’s dragon shoes on the internet. Danny says that he couldn’t give a fuck. Richard says that he really thinks Danny should look at this. Richard shows Danny a video on YouTube which seems to be an Indian tv show in English which is an exact word-for-word replica of The Yellow Flowers of the Banyan Tree. What’s more, the set also seems to be arranged in the identical way to how Muni wanted it. Danny asks what this is. Richard explains that it seems to be a little-known Indian classic TV show called, The Yellow Flowers of the Banyan Tree. Danny grabs the computer. He spins round and returns to the theatre as fast as he can. He enters through the stage door and marches down a corridor shouting out Muni’s name. He hears a noise behind a door which he throws open only to also discover Derrick and Jill locked in embrace. He stares at them in fury. Just then Rosie appears at the end of the corridor. She asks Danny if he’s seen Derrick. Derrick cowers in the dressing room with Jill, whimpering and shaking his head. Danny pauses. He smiles. He tells Rosie he thinks Derrick’s popped over the road to buy a sandwich. Rosie leaves. Danny slams the door on the lovers and marches onstage to find Muni rearranging the set. “Muni,” Danny says, with an evil smile. Muni looks at Danny, then at the computer. She realises the game is up but manages a defiant glare. Danny grabs the piece of the set Muni is holding, is about to wrench it out of her hand. Just then Shy appears. She tells Danny and Muni she really likes the way the performance is shaping up -- especially the progress they've made today. She reveals she popped in earlier unseen. How much better it is now that Danny's made the performances so much more natural. Danny pauses, reflects on the true value of his physical theatre notions, then pushes the set back to how Muni was arranging it. “I can't take the credit. It's a true collaboration,” he says. We jump cut to the theatre show on the final night. All the audience are sitting watching the show. We see their faces and hear the voices from the stage. The show finishes and everyone applauds. We turn the camera round to reveal that Derrick is dressed, not as a wizard but as a priest and we are in a much bigger theatre -- the New Victory's main stage. We see that Danny is sitting in the audience next to Rosie. Derrick smiles at Danny who gives him a knowing look. Derrick lifts his arm beckoning Danny onto the stage. Danny gets up to take the stage. The audience applauds. The sound of the audience continues underneath. We cut and we see Muni sitting in her room playing her French horn. She is playing it very badly. She gets up and goes over to her CD player behind her. She presses play. Mozart’s Horn Concerto Number 4 plays. Muni mimes along to the music. The applause dies down. We see her fingers moving in perfect time to the music. Muni smiles. THE END
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