Hello.
Bored out of my mind the other day and then recieved some joke emails of a friend which made me laugh and helped fill some time. Attached them both below.... Hope you all enjoy.
An oldie but a goodie.
>>>Who is Jack Schitt?
>>>Many people are at a loss for response when someone says, "you don't
>>>know Jack Schitt." Perhaps the following information will help you
in
>>>that regard..
>>>Jack is actually the only son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt.
>>>Awe Schitt the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schmitt, the owner of
>>>Knee Deep Schitt, Inc.
>>>In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt and the deeply religious
couple
>>>produced six children. There is Holie Schitt, the twins Deep Schitt
and
>>>Dip Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt and Bull Schitt, a high school
>>>dropout.
>>>After being married for 15 years Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe
>>>later married Mr. Sherlock and because her kids were living with her
>>>she wanted to keep her previous name and was now called Noe Schitt
>>>Sherlock. Meanwhile Dip Schitt married Loada Schitt, and
>>>they produced
>>>a cowardly son named Chicken Schitt.
>>>
>>>Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt were inseparable throughout their
>>>childhood and consequently married the Happens brothers in a joint
>>>ceremony and soon after started to have children.
>>>The Schitt Happens children are named Dawg, Byrd and Horse.
Meanwhile
>>>Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world and
recently
>>>returned with his new bride, Pisa Schitt.
>>>Now when someone says that you don't know Jack Schitt, you can look
him
>>>or her straight in the eye and set them straight.
Eve's side of the story:
>After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve.
>"So, how is everything going?" inquired God.
>"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets
are
>breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I
have
>just one problem. It's these breasts
>you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two out and I am
>constantly knocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and
>snagging them on bushes. They're a real pain," reported Eve.
>And Eve went on to tell God that since many other parts of her body
came in
>pairs, such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc., she felt that having only
two
>breasts might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced."
>That's a fair point," replied God, "But it was my first shot at this,
you
>know. I gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed
only
>half
>of those, but I see that you are right. I will fix it up right away."
And
>God reached down, removed the middle breast and tossed it into the
bushes.
>Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of
Eden.
>"Well, Eve, how is my favorite creation?" "Just fantastic," she
replied,
>"But for one oversight. You see, all the animals are paired off. The
ewe
>has
>a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals have a mate except me.
I
>feel so alone."
>God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How
>could
>I have overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately
create a
>man from a part of you. Now let's see............where did I put that
>useless boob?"
>>Now doesn't THAT make more sense than that stuff about the rib?
