When i first moved to London, my main reason for the move was to tread the boards and pursue my acting career! After several months of not even getting a foot through the door to audition I was willing to give anything ago. I noticed in The Stage that a few Panto auditions were starting so i sent of my stuff.
A couple of weeks later I get a call from a Company "We are calling to invite you to audition for our pantomime Dick Whittington, we require you to bring a short humorous monologue and a up tempo song with sheet music" I accepted and took down the details the audition was to be held in Clapham, so it wasn't far to go!! Only one problem "Sheet Music", not being trained as a singer I did not own any sheet music! In fact the only singing I'm used to is on Karaoke!
I quickly called my friend as I new she would have some music I could borrow! Only trouble was I did not know any of the songs well enough, it was looking as though I was going to have cancel the first audition I had got for months, until she produced a copy of "Sandra Dee" from Grease. (Not the best song to sing as it has been used a million times before, please bear this in mind) My eyes lit up at once, "I know that one" I screamed in delight!! Of course I had never sung it with a piano, only with a backing track. How hard can it be? I thought, very! I later found out!
The Audition: I got to the audition in plenty of time, I was all geared up and ready to impress! I entered the room to be faced with a panel of 4 and a pianist, the hall was big and echoed.
"What song are you going to sing for us today?"
Suddenly the nerves started to kick in "Erm Sandra Dee from Grease"
With a smirk across her face and in a very sarcastic tone the lady said "Hmmm I haven't heard that one in a while".
Sweating slightly now I neared the piano and handed over my music, the pianist looked at it and then at me, he gestured for me to come towards him, "A word of advice, next time you go to a singing audition, tape the pages together!"
Of course I thought to myself, I had given him single sheets, that meant he would have to swap the sheets over mid song, and so he did!
"Look at me I'm Sandra Dee" (BIG HUGE PAUSE) "Lousy with Vir…………..HUGE PAUSE ginity" and so the song went on.
That was bad I thought to myself but at least I have my monologue, I'll be fine with that acting is what I do best!
"We have decided that we no longer require your monologue, we want you to read these two pieces of script instead"
No monologue, typical the one thing was good at, well I should be ok at the script reading, or maybe not!
"Hello everybody my name is Dick, Dick Withington, I mean Withington,"
"No, its Whittington not Withington" This just kept circling in my head I knew what I had to say but I just couldn't say it; it couldn't possibly get any worse.
"If you'd like to take a seat, do you have a driving licence?"
"Yes, I mean no, I mean yes I do but I don't have a car"
"That's ok; we provide a car and insurance"
"Well the thing is I don't drive because I haven't driven since I passed my test, and I wouldn't feel comfortable driving really"
"Well what if you had to"
"Erm no not really, I mean No"
"Why not?"
"Erm just because… because… look I just wouldn't want to I had an accident and haven't driven since and that was 5 years ago"
"I see, well thank you"
And that was the end of that, not the best audition but not the worst. I got home talked to my housemate about it, we decided that I should stick with acting and give the singing a miss.
That was all well and good until I got a phone call a week later from an agency I had sent my CV to ages ago, I hadn't heard from them before and they rang me totally out of blue offering me a private panto audition. Again I had to provide a song with sheet music, this time explained that I knew one song "Sandra Dee" from Grease; she said that was fine as it was only panto and nothing to serious. The audition was in Pimlico just around the corner from was I living, perfect. I photo copied the sheets together at work in preparation; I was not going to make the same mistake twice.
Audition Number Two: I turned up like before ready to make the most of it and impress, I gave in my name and was handed some company information. I sat down amongst the other hopefuls and looked at the sheet, that's when I saw it staring up at me in big bold print,Oh God I thought, it can't be, I slowly walked up to the man who signed me in and as quietly as I could "Excuse me; I've already auditioned for this".
"No you can't have done!"
"Yes I have, last week in Clapham"
"Oh, I see erm well you'd best wait there for a minute while I go and find out what to do".
By this point all eyes are on me, and I am a dark shade of red. The man hurriedly returned from the audition room, "Well they just said you can stay and re audition or go, it's up to you"
"Right ok, I'm not sure"
"You should go in again, like a second chance" said the girl sat next me, "Do you think so?" I asked, "Yes defiantly" said another girl, "What you singing?" another one asked, "Erm Sandra Dee from Grease" I said, slightly nervous by all the questioning, "Oh" said the girl looking down her nose at me, "and" she went on "what did you sing last time?", "Sandra Dee from Grease", "Oh dear" said the girl, "Is that really bad then?" I asked, already knowing the answer was yes, but desperately seeking some good news.
"Ok your up" Called the man who had signed me in. Right girl just go in their and give some, I told myself. I entered the room stomach churning, and there they were staring right at me.
"Hello Again" said the familiar voice, "I'm so sorry about all this" I blabbered on about the mix, as they sat and stared in silence.
"What are you going to sing for us today?" there it was again the dreaded question, I took a hard gulp, "Sandra Dee from Grease" I said, "But I have taped the pages together this time" I added, hoping that this would make alright!
By this point I was so flustered and embarrassed I didn't know if I was coming or going, the piano introduction came in and was totally not ready, I tried to sing but the words came out wrong. Now this is quite an achievement in it's self considering it was a song from Grease, a film I've seen a million and one times and know inside out and back to front.
"Thank you" Said the lady in a sharp tone, I had only song 3 lines. "Read this" she said shoving the tiniest script in my hand. I read it as quickly as I could. "You don't drive do you?" she asked "No" I said, "Well thank you".
And that was that, I practically ran out of the room, I didn't know whether to laugh or cry, either way I was close to tears. "Where's the way out" I asked the man who had signed me in, "Up their and to your right" he called after me. I was desperate to get out of the room, pushing and pulling at the door I found that it would not budge; I couldn't believe it the damn thing would not open. The last thing I wanted to do was go back down there and face all those people, but I had no other choice.
"Excuse me I can't open the door to get out" I said in a sheepish voice, the man lead me up the stairs, I pointed to the door and showed him! "That's because you're trying to open the wrong door, I said to the right not left!"
He opened the door and I ran out as fast as I could, I held back the tears and started laughing instead, of all the things to happen and it had to happen to me. I phoned my friend and he laughed so hard, all I could say in my defence was, "Well I'm not really a singer".
